am I ignoring the signs that this relationship isn’t it?

Are you ignoring deal-breakers or brushing off bad behavior in the hopes that things will improve?

 In this episode, we explore the importance of discernment when it comes to relationships and how early red flags could be sabotaging your search for your soulmate. If you’ve been ignoring red flags or hoping that things will change, this episode is a must-listen.  From emotional manipulation to mismatched life goals, we cover all the signs you shouldn’t ignore.

We’ll also talk about the power of boundaries and why they’re essential to creating the space for the right person to show up. By the end of this episode, you’ll have a clear understanding of how to stop wasting time on relationships that aren't aligned with your values.

Highlights:

• How to stop letting fear or insecurity cloud your decision-making and create space for the right love.
• Why being clear about your relationship goals is the secret to attracting your soulmate.
• How to stop living in potential and start living in reality with the love that’s really right for you.
• Setting strong boundaries to protect your energy and draw in a partner who mirrors your values.
• How to identify unhealthy relationship patterns early on and take action.
  Why clarity and strong boundaries are key to attracting the soulmate you deserve.
  
  🎼Music by: Vjazz_Relaxing

--

Book a free discovery call at https://calendly.com/kayvandunk/30min, and let’s get started on the path to the love you deserve.

--

You know that deep-down feeling that love is meant for you? That it’s supposed to be easier than this? You’re right.

Love isn’t something you chase. It’s something you attract when you shift into the energy that calls it in.

The problem isn’t you—it’s the way you’ve been taught to approach love. I help women break the cycle of overthinking and searching so they can finally start receiving the relationship they know is out there.

That’s exactly what we do in 1:1 coaching. We clear the hidden blocks keeping love just out of reach, so it stops feeling like a struggle—and starts feeling inevitable.

If that hit home, let’s talk. Book a free discovery call at https://calendly.com/kayvandunk/30min, and let’s get started on the path to the love you deserve.

Transcript

Am I choosing the love that's choosing me?

This episode is a continuation of the previous one, “Am I Subconsciously Avoiding My Soulmate?” where we explored the things you might unknowingly be doing to remain out of alignment with your goals for finding your soulmate. One example I mentioned was staying in relationships despite obvious red flags. I want to expand on that a bit more because I see women all the time who claim they want a lifelong commitment, but aren't dating people who want the same.

The choices you make on every date and with every potential partner truly matter. Today, we’ll focus on discernment—how to recognize if someone is really available versus just saying they are. When you're in a relationship, it’s crucial to pay close attention to what someone is showing you about who they are. There’s a quote by Maya Angelou that always sticks with me: “When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.” People are always showing you their true selves, especially in a relationship. Don’t be too quick to dismiss bad behavior or ignore red flags, hoping things will improve. These early signs are crucial—some are dealbreakers, while others may not be, but they still need your attention.

If you're not careful, it’s easy to get sucked into a long-term relationship with someone you’re not truly aligned with, just because you don’t want to be single, or you’re hoping they’ll change. But trust me—if these issues crop up once, they’ll come back again. That's when you need to decide whether this is a relationship worth sticking with.

There are many early warning signs that a relationship isn’t going to work. For example, the “always the victim” mentality—where everyone they've dated is “crazy” or out to get them, or they never take responsibility for their actions. Another big one is love bombing, which is when someone showers you with excessive attention, gifts, and future talk early on to create a false sense of intimacy. This tactic is meant to pull you in quickly and can make you blind to potential issues.

Lying is another major red flag. Whether it’s about their age, job, relationship status, or kids, lies—big or small—can quickly undermine trust. Once trust is broken, it's hard to move forward. Controlling behavior is also problematic: telling you what to wear, what to do, or how to act. This kind of behavior can cause you to second-guess yourself and constantly seek their approval, which only strengthens the unhealthy bond.

Jealousy is often tied to controlling behavior. Some people mistake jealousy for love, thinking, “They care so much that they’re jealous.” But jealousy, when excessive, is a red flag and usually comes with control issues. Gaslighting is another form of manipulation that makes you doubt your feelings or your memory of events, which is emotionally draining.

Of course, more serious issues like emotional, verbal, or physical abuse are dealbreakers from the start. But these negative behaviors rarely present themselves as glaring red flags at first. Instead, they start small, like testing your boundaries or pushing you to see how far they can go. If they can get away with it, they stick around, and everything escalates. These patterns are old as time. When you see them, that’s your cue to leave. You don’t need to stick around to see if things will change or hope that you can fix them—you can’t.

Another important factor to consider is whether you and your partner agree on the “Big Three”—marriage, kids, and faith. If you know you want to get married and your partner doesn’t, end it now. If you don’t want kids and your partner does, end it now. Similarly, if you’re religious and your partner isn’t, it’s not going to work long-term. Yes, you may know a rare story of someone who made it work despite differences, but those are outliers. For the majority of us, it’s simply not worth it to wait around for something that isn’t aligned.

It all comes down to this: Are you choosing the love that’s choosing you? The love that chooses you is reciprocal—it mirrors back the love, honesty, trust, and care that you give. The right person will be in alignment with what you want in life, and their actions will reflect that. When you know exactly what you want and you’re clear about your boundaries, you’ll attract the right partner and naturally repel the wrong ones. It might sound simple, but it’s really about enforcing those boundaries.

To wrap up, remember that your boundaries are your best friend when it comes to finding your soulmate. The moment you stop engaging with people who aren’t right for you, the right person will become much more obvious. Trust your intuition and move forward with confidence.

Afformation: Why am I so magnetic to the kind of relationship that I want?

Live in reality, not potential. Pay attention to who’s showing up in your life, and recognize when it’s time to move on. Even if you’ve invested years or created a family with someone, don’t stay if the relationship isn’t serving you. Make space for the love you truly deserve.

Closing: Gratitude is the highest vibration, so take a moment to reflect on something you’re grateful for. As always, I’m grateful for you tuning in. Remember, when love is on the brain, asking better questions leads to better answers.