should I bother with online dating?

Online dating can feel like a chore—but does it have to?  You’ll get a grounded perspective on when to use it, how to use it, and what the data actually shows about finding your soulmate online.

Listen in to reframe your approach, regain confidence, and learn how to use online dating as a tool—not a crutch. If you’ve felt overwhelmed, disappointed, or just unsure if apps are worth your time—this episode is for you. 

What You’ll Hear:

• Why online dating isn’t the enemy—it’s how we use it
• How to tell when it’s time to pause, delete, or dive back in
• The real stats behind online dating success in 2025
• The #1 mindset shift that makes online dating actually work

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Book a free discovery call at https://calendly.com/kayvandunk/30min, and let’s get started on the path to the love you deserve.

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You know that deep-down feeling that love is meant for you? That it’s supposed to be easier than this? You’re right.

Love isn’t something you chase. It’s something you attract when you shift into the energy that calls it in.

The problem isn’t you—it’s the way you’ve been taught to approach love. I help women break the cycle of overthinking and searching so they can finally start receiving the relationship they know is out there.

That’s exactly what we do in 1:1 coaching. We clear the hidden blocks keeping love just out of reach, so it stops feeling like a struggle—and starts feeling inevitable.

If that hit home, let’s talk. Book a free discovery call at https://calendly.com/kayvandunk/30min, and let’s get started on the path to the love you deserve.

Transcript

Hi and welcome—or welcome back—to Love on the Brain. I’m your host, Kay Van Dunk, and I help independent women who are single, divorced, or widowed find their soulmates while staying true to their high standards.

In each episode, we dive into a frustrating question you may have about love. I’ll share some insights, and then we’ll reframe it with an affirmation or afformation to help lift your spirits.

If you haven’t already, please subscribe and leave a great review on whichever platform you’re listening on. Your reviews help other amazing singles find this podcast too.

Okay, let’s jump in.

I always tell people—I’m not a dating coach. That’s not my forte. I’m here to attract love to you. But there are certain questions that come up a lot, and I love addressing them because there’s often a mindset out there that’s a little negative or hard to swallow—and my take might be different.

Today’s question is about online dating.

Online dating can be overwhelming—not just the number of platforms out there, but all the different rules within each one, how you’re matched, and how many matches you get. It can feel like a lot. So yeah, it’s a valid question: is it worth your time, or is it just a futile exercise?

If you’re already dating—maybe friends or family are setting you up, or you’ve met someone through hobbies, work, your gym, or church—do you really need to add online dating? Or maybe you’re not meeting anyone and wondering if it’s worth trying. It’s a question a lot of people struggle with.

I met my husband through online dating back in 2010—and it feels like a lifetime ago. But it’s disheartening to hear the latest research, which you’ve probably heard: only 10% of adults meet their spouses through online dating. And that’s not the full measure of online dating’s success. Plenty of people meet great boyfriends, long-term relationships, even friends. That kind of data isn’t always captured.

But even so—it tells me you’re more likely to find your soulmate everywhere else.

If only 10% of connections come from online dating, that means 90% are coming from somewhere else.

Still, online dating isn’t the problem. It’s how we approach it.

Part of it is finding the right platform, but the bigger piece is being honest about what you want—and setting clear intentions. I’ll say that again: setting clear intentions on what you want.

When you’re on these platforms, you’re matched with whoever the algorithm thinks is a fit. You might list five or ten must-haves, but the algorithm is still guessing. It’s not personal. It’s a business. And yes, they want to keep you on the platform.

So, if you’re matched with someone who’s not aligned with your values—like someone non-religious when you’re very devout—that’s not a match to pursue. Shut it down. Same if they live 150 miles away and you're not up for a long-distance relationship.

Online dating is a tool in your toolkit—if you use it consciously.

Each tool has a specific use. You wouldn’t use a hammer to drive in a screw—you’d use a screwdriver. When you use online dating for what it’s best at, that’s when it works. It doesn’t need to be something you’re on all the time. You’re still doing your attraction work. You’re still saying yes to dates your friends or family set you up on.

Online dating can be something you check in and check out of.

The advice I give in 2025 isn’t the same advice I gave in 2020. Back then, I might’ve said it should be a bigger part of your dating strategy. But today? Based on the numbers? You’re a little less likely to meet your soulmate on an app.

And just like any tool in your toolbox, sometimes you decide: I don’t need this right now. Maybe you have enough dates coming in. Or maybe you just don’t like the matches. Or you’re overwhelmed. So take a step back. You can turn it on. Turn it off. Turn it up. Turn it down. Make it work for you.

So the afformation we’re using instead of should I try online dating or is it a waste of time? is:

How did I make online dating work for me?

These platforms exist to give you a broad scope—to show you what’s out there. Good, bad, and everything in between. But when you’re clear on your purpose, your goals, your values—online dating becomes just another way to expand your reach.

You’re not looking for quantity. You’re looking for quality. That’s your soulmate. And better matches.

Because when you know what you want and get really good at honing in on it, online dating doesn’t feel like a chore. It feels like one more powerful way to meet new people. In addition to your attraction work.

Your attraction work is always the core. You’re opening yourself up to new ways of meeting people outside your usual circles. Online dating can help with that.

Whether you’re meeting lots of people and going on great dates, or just dipping your toe back in after a dry spell—online dating might make up 5% of your strategy. Or none. And that’s okay. It all depends on your energy, your emotions, and who you’re meeting.

There’s no shortcut. Just alignment.

When you’re aligned, you’ll pull in the love you’re looking for—no matter which tools you use.

I like to close the podcast by asking what you’re grateful for, because gratitude is the highest vibration of all.

So take a moment. What’s one thing you’re grateful for?

I’m grateful that you’re listening to this podcast.
I’m grateful to you.
I love you for tuning in.

And remember—when love is on the brain, asking better questions leads to better answers.