do I have to stay high vibe to attract love?

You’ve been doing all the “right” things. Staying positive, visualizing, journaling...but love still hasn’t shown up. And now you’re wondering: is my energy the problem?

This episode is for you if you've ever questioned whether your vibe is blocking your soulmate—or if you're just tired of the pressure to be high-vibe 24/7.

Inside, we’re unpacking one of the most common (and quietest) fears smart, self-aware women carry on their love journey...and reframing it with a powerful afformation that opens the door for love to come in without perfection or performance.

Highlights:

• The truth about "high vibe" energy (and why it's not what you think)
• Why love doesn’t only respond to your best days
• The hidden danger of spiritual perfectionism when you're calling in your soulmate
• What to focus on instead when your faith starts to dip

If you’ve ever felt like the missing piece must be your mindset...this one’s going to feel like a deep exhale.

🎼 Music by BlackPyBeats

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Book a free discovery call at https://calendly.com/kayvandunk/30min, and let’s get started on the path to the love you deserve.

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You know that deep-down feeling that love is meant for you? That it’s supposed to be easier than this? You’re right.

Love isn’t something you chase. It’s something you attract when you shift into the energy that calls it in.

The problem isn’t you—it’s the way you’ve been taught to approach love. I help women break the cycle of overthinking and searching so they can finally start receiving the relationship they know is out there.

That’s exactly what we do in 1:1 coaching. We clear the hidden blocks keeping love just out of reach, so it stops feeling like a struggle—and starts feeling inevitable.

If that hit home, let’s talk. Book a free discovery call at https://calendly.com/kayvandunk/30min, and let’s get started on the path to the love you deserve.

Transcript

Hi and welcome, or welcome back to *Love on the Brain.* I'm your host, Kay Van Dunk, and I help independent women who are single, divorced, or widowed find their soulmates while staying true to their high standards. In each episode, we dive into a frustrating question you may have about love. I’ll share some insights, and then we can reframe it with an affirmation or afformation to help you lift your spirits. If you haven’t already, please subscribe and leave a great review on whichever platform you’re listening to this podcast on. Your reviews help other amazing singles find this podcast too. Okay, let’s jump in.

Today's question is: do I have to be high vibrational or high vibe to attract love? I see this a lot online in Law of Attraction spaces, where the thought process is that you have to be or maintain a high vibe to attract whatever it is you're looking to receive—whether it's money, a new house, a car, a new job, or yes, love. 

I don’t love this concept of being high vibe all the time. And part of it is because it’s okay to not be high vibe all the time. I don’t think it’s possible to be high vibe all the time. We have moments where we’re up and moments where we’re down. We have moments where we believe and moments when we don’t. It’s completely part of the journey. And of course you want to be in a better place to attract what you want—not just from a frequency standpoint, but because it’s kind of a downer to always feel like you’re not going to get the thing you’re hoping for. 

So I get where they’re coming from with that. I just don’t think it’s healthy to have the mindset that you won’t or can’t get what you’re hoping for unless you maintain this sunny optimism. The whole high vibe thing can really put blame on you for not getting the things you want, and that’s the part I have the biggest challenge with. If you’re doing the work and putting yourself out there but you haven’t gotten it, the first question becomes, “What’s your energy like? Are you maintaining a high vibration?” And it’s like—yeah, damn it. I’m doing what I have to do.

If on one hand you're telling people that they're not in charge of this journey and that everything they’re doing is great except for this one thing—and it's the one thing they’re not doing—then it’s going to feel even more out of reach. It doesn’t leave space for the fact that you are not the one bringing all this about. Whether it’s the universe, God, or a higher power you believe in, there’s space in there for that power to do its magic—and that’s not you, and that’s not related to your vibe.

This whole thought process of, “Oh, you didn’t get that job? Maybe you weren’t high vibe enough. Still single? Probably not matching your soulmate’s frequency.” It’s draining. And when you’re already struggling, it can feel like being kicked when you’re down because of course you’re upset—you don’t have what you want.

I get that it’s hard to stay high vibe when you’re working through something very personal—especially wanting a soulmate. You’ve got a lot on your plate. Your work life, your social life, your family, your hobbies, maybe even school or additional education. These take up a good chunk of your mental, emotional, and spiritual energy. And then on top of that, you're trying to find your soulmate. It’s hard to maintain a high vibe when you’re balancing that much.

It’s a challenge to maintain optimism when you’ve gone months, weeks, or years without the thing that you want. Sometimes there are Law of Attraction or Law of Assumption activities you can do to prove to yourself that you can manifest. They're meant to be lightweight and detached, like envisioning a yellow VW Beetle or a half dollar. So you see one and you think, “My manifestation is at hand. Got it, Universe.” And that might help—but it’s different to get a coin versus something you want really badly.

You’re human. Life isn’t all sunshine and rainbows, and sometimes it’s okay to let your vibe dip. That doesn’t mean you’re doing it wrong. It’s important to allow yourself the space to feel your feelings. Don’t tamp them down. Don’t feel like you have to pull yourself out immediately. Live in the frustration. Live in the sadness or the defeat. Don’t rush through these emotions. The more you try to push past them, the harder it can be to come out of it because it doesn’t feel authentic.

Of course you want to be in a positive mindset, but you have to work through your emotions to get to the other side. You’re not getting stuck there—you’re just wallowing a bit. It’s part of the journey. So yes, staying positive is key, but you’re not a robot. You can’t just flip a switch and be high vibe 24/7. If it were that easy, you wouldn’t even be listening to this podcast. You’d already be in the arms of your sexy, loving, extremely rich, and generous soulmate.

A lot of this podcast is about using your mindset to attract your soulmate—and yes, that’s a big part of it—but it’s not the only part. Even in my coaching, there are practices we do that are less theoretical and help you move through mental blocks or stagnancy. We don’t get into that on this podcast because it really is literally “love on the brain.” So it’s mindset-focused, because that’s the part that affects your day-to-day. Your brain can start to play games with you—tell you that you can’t do this, that you’re doing it wrong. And it’s a challenge to overcome that.

You don’t have to force yourself to feel good all the time. You just have to recognize it, work through it, and keep going.

So today’s question was: do I have to be high vibe to attract love? And we’re flipping it with the afformation: *Why does love flow to me so easily even when I’m not high vibe?* Like I said, sometimes when your vibe or energy dips, it doesn’t mean you’re not on track for what you want. It just means you’re recalibrating and processing the steps you’ve been through. Love doesn’t only flow to you when you’re high vibe. You are still worthy of love even when you’re struggling. You can still find love even in the dips and valleys.

As hard as it may be to maintain the vision—even if it’s just a mustard-seed-sized grain of faith in the back of your mind—knowing you are capable, worthy, willing, and able to find your soulmate, that’s really all you need to pull through. Don’t feel like you’re failing yourself or your soulmate or the challenge because your vibe isn’t perfect. Don’t feel like that’s the only thing preventing you from finding love. There are so many other factors at play that you can’t and will never be able to control. And you may never know what’s slowing down the process—maybe even priming your soulmate.

Like I always say, it’s a two-person process. So what feels slow for you might be the exact timing needed for your soulmate to go through something and get polished up—so they’re nice, shiny, and ready for you. And that has nothing to do with your high vibe level. So give yourself a breather, work through it, and you’re going to come out the other side just fine.

I like to close out the podcast by asking what you’re grateful for, because gratitude is the highest vibration of all. So just take a moment and think of one thing you’re grateful for. As always, I’m grateful to you for tuning in, and love you for listening. And remember: when love is on the brain, asking better questions can lead to better answers.