why do I feel lonely even when I'm with loved ones?

Feeling lonely, even when surrounded by loved ones? In today’s episode, we’re diving into why that happens and what you can do about it. Sometimes, even the people closest to us can’t fill that deep need for connection, and it’s important to understand why. We’ll explore how to reconnect with yourself, get clear on what you need, and shift your focus to build deeper, more fulfilling connections — with both others and yourself.

Highlights:

• Exploring Loneliness – Understand the root causes of feeling disconnected, even with loved ones around.
• Reconnecting with Yourself – How to find joy in your own company and break free from loneliness.
• Strengthening Connections – The power of being present and authentic in relationships.

🎼Music by Akiko_Shina

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You know that deep-down feeling that love is meant for you? That it’s supposed to be easier than this? You’re right.

Love isn’t something you chase. It’s something you attract when you shift into the energy that calls it in.

The problem isn’t you—it’s the way you’ve been taught to approach love. I help women break the cycle of overthinking and searching so they can finally start receiving the relationship they know is out there.

That’s exactly what we do in 1:1 coaching. We clear the hidden blocks keeping love just out of reach, so it stops feeling like a struggle—and starts feeling inevitable.

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Transcript

Hi, and welcome, or welcome back, to Love on the Brain. I'm your host, Kay Van Dunk, and I help independent women who are single, divorced, or widowed find their soulmates while staying true to their high standards. In each episode, we dive into a frustrating question you may have about love. I'll share some insights, and then we'll reframe it with an affirmation or ask-formation to help lift your spirits. If you haven't already, please subscribe and leave a great review on whichever platform you're listening to this podcast on. Your reviews help other amazing singles find this podcast, too.

Why Do I Feel Lonely Even When I'm With Loved Ones?

Even when you have people in your life who care about you and love you, loneliness can still sneak in. This often happens when you don't feel seen or understood. It's not about the number of people around you but about how strongly connected you feel to them. True connection happens when you feel like someone gets you and you understand them—it’s very much a vibe.

I also see this when people live alone. You might love having your own space, but sometimes, you still feel lonely because there’s no one physically around to talk to or be with. If you tend to feel lonely a lot, even in a group setting or a crowded room, that’s not about them—that’s about you. It’s about feeling disconnected, not just from others, but from yourself.

If you're disconnected from your feelings, your needs, or your desires, no one else will be able to fill that void. So, the first thing to do is figure out why you feel lonely.

Is it your living situation? Do you have a home but no one to share it with?

Do you feel fine at home but lonely in social settings?

Do you just feel lonely in general?

Each of these situations brings up different emotions and requires different solutions.

How to Address Your Loneliness

If you always feel alone, no matter who you're with or where you are, you need to take a step back and reconnect with yourself. Ask yourself:

What makes me happy?

What brings me value?

What do I need emotionally that I’m not getting?

Where is this coming from? Is this a lifelong pattern or something recent?

Tuning into yourself can make you feel more grounded and help ease feelings of loneliness.

If your loneliness comes from feeling disconnected in social settings, ask yourself:

Am I fully present when I’m with others, or am I distracted?

Am I showing up as my authentic self?

Are these the right people to fill this space in my life?

Sometimes, we expect emotional fulfillment from people who aren't meant to fill that role. Strengthening your closest relationships or even just having a heart-to-heart with someone can open up a deeper connection.

If your loneliness is tied to your living situation, get comfortable with being alone. One of my friends in junior high used to say, We come into this world alone, and we’ll leave it alone. No matter what happens in between, you are awesome and should love spending time with yourself. Being alone doesn’t have to mean feeling lonely. Plenty of people live full, thriving lives without roommates or a partner in their home. The key is filling your time in a meaningful way.

And yes, I know you’re here because you want a soulmate. But until you find them, learn to love your own company. Use this time to recharge, reflect, and focus on what truly matters to you before stepping into a relationship.

Reframing the Question

Instead of asking, Why do I feel lonely even when I’m with my loved ones? try shifting the question to:

What helps me feel deeply connected to my loved ones?

What helps me feel deeply connected to myself?

This small shift can help you explore what’s missing and how you can strengthen both your relationships and your relationship with yourself. It can lead to meaningful conversations and even open up new experiences with the people around you. Or it might help you focus on being more present with yourself and filling the gaps in your life in a way that actually makes you feel fulfilled.

Because at the end of the day, surrounding yourself with more people won’t necessarily solve loneliness. You’re not looking to build a bigger network just to fill a void—that’s a recipe for disaster. True connection starts from within.

Final Thoughts

Next time you feel lonely, take a moment and ask yourself: What can I do to feel more connected right now?